After exfoliating myself away to nothing this morning (not really just to a glowing red) I finally slinked off to my local salon for my first ever spray tan. I decided to have a spray tan for a few reasons. Firstly, my friend Emma is addicted and has been on a mission for me to get one. Secondly I’m off to sunny California and didn’t want to be the only semi- skimmed milk bottle amongst the gorgeous chocolate milk bronzed bodies. Usually I tan easily at home but with this years weather – no odd cycling / running tan lines have developed and as I tend to look more alive with a tan thought why the hell not! If it goes wrong I’m off on holiday where no one will know me.

So, I arrived at the salon sans deodorant/lotions, wearing a loose-fitting jogging pants and t-shirt looking like a tramp. I was asked to strip off and wear a pair of black paper pants and a shower hat, very fetching – now I could easily have got these muddle up. The spray tan lady applied some cream to my knees, elbows and palm of my hand to stop the product clogging or applying too heavy in these areas. Also had some cool stick on your feet flip flop things. She then loaded the dark tan and started up the machine – no going back now.

Now, the feel of the spray tan is quite pleasant but the fumes are not if you get your breathing wrong – just follow the directions of inhale and exhale to the second. Twelve minutes after walking in I was done. I opted for the dark tan, well I had no idea, but all was fine as she said I already had plenty of colour in my face I would suit a darker tan better. I do in fact tan to quite a deep colour, all those childhood years of being in the Caribbean or European beaches. I was finally told to stand and dry off as the capsule fans were set to warp factor, I couldn’t have taken any more instruction as I couldn’t hear a thing.

Taking the stick on flip flops off was very ticklish but made us laugh. I was given an instruction leaflet of do’s and dont’s, and a first timers gift bag of a bottle of moisturiser and bottle of body polish, and a bronzer – I suppose they hope that I get the bug and go back for more.

I returned home feeling sticky, just like a day on the beach covered in suntan lotion, sand, spilt drinks and salt spray. So I sat in my mud colour clothes and watched TV, answered emails and calls from the comfort of my lounge.

After the prescribed time I went to shower, at first it looked like I was going to lose all colour down the plug hole. But still have my paper knickers tan line and healthy glow. It’s supposed to last between 4 and 10 days so hopefully my natural colour will start to come through from that lovely California sunshine. Or I cheat and get a top up tan over there.

Will I have another – you bet I will. As Em says brown fat looks better than white fat ! lol.